Wednesday, December 07, 2011

More I do, less I know

Because thing becomes exist because of your curiosity!

I don't mean to teach you to be ignorant. I will never do. I just think that sometimes you have to let it be. Because for one or two cases in your life, you need to cut your curiosity to please another thing happens. You know, you aren't created to be involved in (just) some people. So, if you couldn't stay, just go. You don't have to figure it out now because there's always a moment when you know why it had to happen. As a human, maybe you'll feel regret, but one thing that sure, regret is always there waiting for you, but it's not there to show how bad you are, but to tell you which part that must be fixed, so you'll never make it same in another chapter.

Photo's source:

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Be honest!

"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

When the film started, I knew, I'm gonna fall in love with this film. And it proved by my biggest smile at the beginning of the film. Guys, it's airport! You know I get addicted to that place everytime I watch it. Well, actually I downloaded this film about three or four days ago. I'm not really interested to watch it because I had a lot of to-do's list lately. But, apparently, that to-do's list brought me to one conclusion: I have to consume little interlude. And ya, here I go!

I won't make such like film review here, because I know, when people watched the love story film, they must have their own side and I don't wanna interupt that. But,one thing I want you to know from this film, it's not about the first or second opportunity you have, but, it's about whenever you let yourself say anything honestly, everything is going right. Even if you hurt eventually, believe me, that hurt will never beat your satisfied for being honest.

Its about four weeks to Christmas eve,
and because its going to be a nice Christmas I had ever expected,
I ask you, if you guys want to tell me something,
maybe you don't know when the right time to be honest with me, well.. it's time!
skype me (dutari.sitorus)
YM me (sdutari)
or anything...
Just choose your own way!
And, promise, I'll appreciate anything you've said

Photo's source:

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


There comes a time in your life when you finally get it, but also there comes a time in your life when you just get the point of it..

This morning, I'm thinking of someone. Someone that I've been waiting for. Someone who made me couldn't find an answer for one question. When I try to figure it out, I always curious why don't you just leaving like you said? And, suddenly, the question that been running in my mind slapped me. It forces me to look back and give me a question back, "See, after going trough some choices, why did you(me) still hold your old choice?" Then, I answer, "consideration". Everyone has a right for that, so do I, so do him. I have my own perception, so do him. Well, thank you for someone who gave me a point eventually.

-See you in another chapter, N!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Now and then

You have to endure caterpillars if you want to see butterflies..

It's not about what you have to do to get what you want in the future. Simplier, it's just about the phase. Which phase that must be passed before the next phase happens. Maybe we used to be aware with the present, like one of Buddha quotes, "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." But, we couldn't ignore that there's a time when you can't handle how far your mind goes, when you're curious about something out of the present. And ya, it's happening to me now.

Today I get married invitation from one of my friends. This's is the first married invitation in my life. Surprised? Sure! I'm 21 years old, and married is one of cheesy things that out of my lists. I don't mean to not regard married as honor. I knew, it's holy thing, just like Bible said. But, hey, are you kidding me? We're too young to think about that, even to do that! I don't know why people make their life turn into a complicated situation? If you're married, you have to wake up in the morning to take care your kids, stole your 'me time', waiting your hubby to come home, and the worst ever is involved with the law when you decided to divorce. Could you imagine that?

Then, here I was, tried to make up my mind after someone older told me, "There's no one school in this earth that prepared their student to enter married life. Just like a death, there's no one know what would be happen after that. The only way to figure it out is jumped off in to it by yourself, and before that, you have to get in to every step." Well, now I got it!

Photo's source :

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Good in goodbye, hell in hello?

Just roll the dice and see what happen! Because wherever it brings you, you'll find the lights that gonna guide you 'home'!

As a writer in one of campus magazines, I used to deal with the deadline. I knew how it feels when I had to decide what I have to do to beat the deadline. And surely, I also knew how it feels when I got my goal right before the deadline. In last two years, it happened every month, again and again. I ever passed it well, either failed sometimes. But, I always have a thought that I'll fix it next month. "I'm gonna do the same thing now, I knew where's my fault, I'll try an inovation to pay for", that's it what I did every begining of the month. Time rotates in the same shaft, and it makes me think, "Yes, I'll always have an opportunity".

Now, it's time to regeneration. There're writers who would replace me. The first word that came out of my mouth, "Phew!". I did it. For two years. But, I never imagined I'd stand on this intersection. "I don't know the how to start a new thing, I don't know which part that must be fixed, I have no idea at all". Then, here comes a point in my mind, people are scared of what would happen next if they decided a choice that haven't they took before. But, have you ever imagined a triangle in a ball? When the triangle rotates in the ball for the first time, every tips of the triangle would destroy everything that they passed by, even the ball. And when the triangle rotates for the second time, it would be more easier because the triangle have made their own shaft. And you know what, that's the time when you found the lights that guide you 'home'.

Photo's source:

Monday, November 14, 2011


Dedicate for the best woman in my life. Happy birthday!

I miss it, when everything could be happen in simply ways, when everything seems like an easy puzzle, and when everything could be solved by my mom's hug.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

You're going on your own!

You know, the fact that you have to deal everyday with the unknown makes that you are obliged to “let it go”!

Sometimes, I curious, why people prefer to travel alone when they getting fed up with their life? I haven't travelled alone before, but I know how it feels to be involved in a trip, obviously fun. So, is travel alone would make you more fun 'till you could ignore your problems or even change your mindset? Well, I knew that travelling is such a way to refresh your mind, maybe that's why you can think clearly after you back. But I still have no idea how the affect of travel alone 'till it could be the right choice for someone who feels heartache, confusing between two guys, or maybe stuck with their life. How do you find the answer when you're busy to learn everything as stranger in somewhere? And now, I got the point.

One of my friend said, "It was always different from home and I found that travelling alone was kind of like an initiatic journey". Honestly, what he said makes me sure that travelling alone would be so challenge me. Then, I ask him about my fear to be stranger, he answered, "You'll learn self confidence, and also lost a lot of the fear of being in new an uncertain situations once you tried". I'm not sure about travelling alone, desperately hesitate. But, finally, I buy that bloody ticket and soon will get myself out there. He said, "You will not regret a moment of it!!"

What makes me buy the tickets is because I want that uncertain situation. A moment when I try to accept whatever will be, a moment when I always ready for anything in front of me, a moment when I have to open myself for new things or people, and also a moment when I know that 'even though my window is broken but I'm standing on my feet'. Then, the loneliness will be overwhelming! I can't wait for that which is would be happen in several months ahead!!

Photo source:

Friday, November 11, 2011


There's a will, there's a way..
There's a way, there must be stop sign..

Guess you familiar with those quotes, at least for the the first quote, because the second was only my creation. Just like a travel, who doesn't like travelling? It seems like anyone hobby nowadays. If I ever wrote in my blog before, that I'd love to enjoy airport situasion, now I'll say that so do with what would happen next: travelling. I'm kinda so excited for that! I choose my destination, leave my town, feel the different, and live what I want.

But, have you ever planned something ridiculous? Like traveling to somewhere alone, without certain destination, you just follow where stepped foot, even being stranger. Well, it's not impossible. Because the only impossible journey is the one you never start! So, here you go, wherever you go, is it a certain destination or not, I bet you'll stop somewhere to enjoy the nature, have a little rest, or even look back. Then, at that time, you'll know how far you've been gone and decide what would you do: continue, stay or be back.

Photo source:

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Easy when I want and hard when I need

(but, keeps looking for what you need excatly then fight for that!)

In last one month, there're about six or seven of my friends who told me, "I just read your blog. Wow surprising me! I never imagined you'd write something interesting...". Ya, I wish I can reply them this: So, is this message was the way you say that am not good at all, even writing something?". But, easy, I won't do that lol. Then, they also asked me, "I hope I can put my comment on those posts but seems it isn't allowed I thought".

And.. great. They succeeded to affect me. Yesterday I had plan to use another blog website eventually. Why? Because I think my blog would be more great if there was any comment. So, I looked for some blog websites which offer me easy way to receive comment from other, even he/she doesn't follow me. I found one. But, I changed my mind after my last convo with my friend. She said, "I think I have to stepback from those guys. I need time to find what excatly I need. I need space to be alone and thinking".

Yep. She's involved in some relationships. Once, her friend told her, "I think you're lost now. You don't know what excatly you need". And those words made her realized something that her friend just right. She needs time to find something worth to fight. Well, sometimes, we keep fighting to reach anything we want. Guess you know how much people wants! And finally, it makes you lose your focus on what you need.

So, here I am. I don't need any comment. What I need is I can write what I feel honestly. I don't care about what I wrote because I don't know who would read it. This blog is just my voice within. That's it.

Photo's source:

Monday, November 07, 2011


"You never knew how evil someone 'till he/she did something in the name of revenge."

I never imagined if I'd be so drama today. I thought I'll pass this week with busy days. But, who knows?
I just had little convo my friend. He tried to tell me something that he had buried for a long time. He cried. Even though I'm not sure about the cause but I could see how hurt he was. He said, "I have no idea how to tell, I have no words, and I think this(crying) all that I can do eventually".

Well, as line as my instinct drama, the right sentence is sometimes tears speak louder than mouth. They just replace the mouth when mouth says, "I am done. It's too much!". I bet you ever felt like don't-know-what-to-do when everything ask you to take an action. Simply, it's like Windows Task Manager on your computer, when you ask the computer to do too much things, the computer will stop working and doing nothing.

I am not say that we just the same with the computer. No with big capital N! I mean, sometimes you have to note that when you hurt someone, he/she can do something bigger than "stop working". Because what? We are human! We have feeling, emotion, anything sencitive thing. You never know how deep scars you made on him/her. And the worst one, you never imagined how tricky someone when he/she decided to revenge. So, be careful to treat someone.

Photo source:

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Even Patrick did it!

This is ridiculous but quite make sense. I just caught my self accepted a not-really good reason. It's about an excuse. More less, we called it by 'the only way'. Ya, in this case, we have no choice. Just one!

I agreed with this unbelievable thing after going through some examples. Firstly, I had a friend, well not really friend, he's around 35 years old I guess. Whatever his age is, for me he's sad-man. Long story but ya he lost his girlfriend and also miss his kid who never met him. His girlfriend's father didn't agree with their relationship. Even when the girl turned out pregnant, he still had no permission to marry the girl. In the end, he always get drunk everytime he remember the girl. Maybe be drunk was the only ticket to bring him out of 'his feeling'.

Secondly, I watched a film. This film tells how many sacrifices a man did to make her girlfriend falls in love everyday, because the girl had a goldfield syndrome which is couldn't remember anything each morning she woke up. The title is 50 First Dates. Recomended!

Thirdly, I red a book. It's about the girl who fights for a man she really loves. Even when the man isn't deserve to wait for, in the fact she couldn't ignore her feeling, she still waiting along day. Uniquely, she had a freakin way to cover her feeling when she really really hopes the man comes back to her life. She brushing her teeth. She thought when she brushing her teeth, the world becomes so quite because she only listens to one voice, her brushing's voice. By that way, she will forget her pain.

Now lets make it as simple one. Have you ever heard someone who lives in coma? Could you imagine how her family's feeling? When doctor said she's only waiting her 'right time to go'. Then it's getting so hard when there's no good progress which is a sign of her healing. And you knew eventually, the only thing you can do as her family is let her go, even it feels so hurt, it's the only way to make her rest in peace.

Well, sometimes you can't classify everything into a 'right' or 'wrong' thing. There's a time when people do bad thing just because they want to make the only one choice which left works. So, whatever it takes, looks good or not, please dare to look behind the story. Why they do that? How come she can survive? Or maybe, what he took to make he looks strong enaugh? Bet, you'll be so easy to understand it when you know the reason. Everything happens for a reason, isn't it? And ya, this is life. Even Patrick, he could say, "If being an idiot is the only way to be your best friend, I'd rather be an idiot". How lucky Spongebob! 

Monday, September 26, 2011

It's Suck To Be You Right Now

What goes around comes back around

Guess what? I did the rarest thing today. It's okay, you may call me stalker at the moment! But, here I found. I just read all of your walls on facebook. Uhm.. maybe let say not at all, but ya lately. How are you? Seems hard there, isn't it? Gosh, I don't mean to laugh on those status updates, but I can't handle my expression. Sorry. Apparently, you turned out to be worst loser. So, did you expect me to care? Too late, dear. Enjoy the scars! I hope it shapes you (at least).

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Eat Pray Love

I am not the film freaks, but am freak enaugh to this film. I always watch this film one time a month. Dont know why, but this film is just like a therapy for me. So, lets check the quotes from this film which inspired me.


“When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.”

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.”

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”  

“Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.”

“I have good idea, for if you meet some person from different religion and he want to make argument about God. My idea is, you listen to everything this man say about God. Never argue about God with him. Best thing to say is, 'I agree with you.' Then you go home, pray what you want. This is my idea for people to have peace about religion.”

“There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.”

“I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.”

“At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.”

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's All About The Airport

I knew it’s a weird thing, but I’m kinda excited to stand alone in the airport. Nothing to do, just let my view lives among people’s activities. Don’t you know? It’s like crying when raining, there’s no one knows you’re crying. In the airport, there’s no one care what you’ve been doing. All of them busy to wait their departure, wait their family arrives, looking for their luggage, and take care their children.

Well, actually, it’s not a big reason why airport was one of my favorite places. When I was in the airport, I just thinking that life is all about come and leaving, nothing’s more. And when you’re standing alone in the airport, you can see life in many sides. Who’s coming with smile, who’s leaving with tears, who’s waiting in vain, or even who’s leaving with no one says goodbye to him or her.

Then, I know it eventually, I am not the only one who lets someone go, please someone come, or begging someone stay.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Falling in love with another after breaking up isn't a good drug!

A couple months ago, I broke up with my ex. I really desprated and I couldn't move on. Then, my friend tried to entertaint me, she introduced me to her friend, she hoped that I could forget my pain by falling in love with her friend. Yes, I fallen in love with her friend. At that time, I agreed that you can heal your pain that caused by your ex with falling in love with another one. But, now I realize, I was wrong.

Well, there's nothing wrong with falling in love with another after you were breaking up with your ex. However, you have to make sure that you'll keep it as your voice within, not such like a substitution thing. But, if you can choose to not fall in love, I think it can be better. Why? Because your heart needs a time to deal with your mind. Let both of them have quality time to help you to fix it by your self. Let the pain shapes you, so you're not rely to another! Because if you let your self fall in love with another after breaking up with your ex, you will do the same thing everytime you breaking up! How if you don't find another after breaking up? Imagine it and be independent!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

All I Need Is Beach

This gonna be a difficult one. I don't know how to describe the situation was, or I just have no words to say. Everything seems like an annoying thing now, they appear to be an enemy when I need a friend. So, I don't know what to do. Ya, no expect!

I spend my day by doing nothing. The worst thing, now I have a good relation with my tears and pillow, a long day. Well, I knew it looks so nerd. Call me nuts now, it's worth. What would I hope behind all my weekness now? Yes, I'm zero.

Now, I'm so desperate to see beach. I think, it could be a drug to heal my pain now. The sunrise, the sunset, the sand, the wind, the waves, all I want is just sitting on the beach. Maybe talk with someone else. Anyone want to kidnap me to the beach? If...

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

I'm Not Saying That I'm In Love With You, I Just ...

"Sometimes, find much bids make you realize that you're alive among many choices, and you'll have no reason to not smile all long day"

 Everybody wants to have an opportunity to choose, even there's only one choice. But, how if you had many choices next to you? Hesitate? No, I'm not. In other words, I'll keep it mine. I'll try to reach what should I fight in my life. So, those choices never give me a pleasure, but an open-minded's stuff. Actualy, this stuff such as positive thing when the circumstances brought you into an unpredictable one. Find this stuff just like fight in another way. And surely, you'll get new offer as quick as your mind grew up. What a live!

Well, honestly, I got this condition at the moment. But, I haven't find the stuff anyway. Ya, I've been learning about how to get the stuff wisely, not easyly. So, I think I'm very enjoy this lesson, because this could be the gold key for my life. And sure I've been waiting a long time to meet this moment. Anyway, thank you for new people who fills my great life lately. I'm falling for all of you :p

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Barry Likumahuwa Project - Cinta Abadi

Terlalu jauh engkau dan aku
Menyentuh cinta saat tak bisa

Dan ku nanti dirimu
Dalam setiap detak hati
Selalu memanggil namamu

Tuhan ajarku mengerti apa yang tertulis untukku
Kau memang tercipta bukan untukku
Tuhan biar ku pahami cerita cintaku dengannya hanyalah sepenggal masa indah
Kau akan kembali padanya menjalin cinta abadi

Dan ku nanti oh dirimu
Dalam setiap detak hati
Selalu memanggil namamu

Cerita cintaku dengannya hanyalah sepenggal masa indah
Cerita cintaku dengannya hanyalah sepenggal masa indah
Kau akan kembali padanya menjalin cinta abadi
Menjalin cinta abadi, cinta abadi, cinta abadi, ooh cinta abadi

Just mind the lyryc! This song really really touched.

Monday, May 16, 2011

God, Teach Me To Understand What You Had Written

Sometimes, the latest way to understand is pray, altough actualy, pray isn't the alternative way...

Maybe I'm not someone who has a special time to introspection my self. In the fact, I need something touched as a way to realize me deeply. It could be a song (the lyrics), short stories, photos, and many more. But, a couple days ago, I went to a jazz concert. There're some jazz's artists who obviously great. I wouldn't talk about how awesome their music, otherwise, I'll talk something different.

Usually, an artist will take a minute to intoduce the song, they'll tell how the song created, what happened behind the song, why they made the song, ya.. just like their life story. And so did the artist on a couple days ago. Firstly, he asked us about how can love doesn't have to owned? Then, he told us that love should have to owned. Last, before he sing the song, he told us that sometimes, you've to asked God to teach you to understand what He had written. Well, if God had wrote that you'll find another one, not he/she, you've to mind it, folks. So, asked Him, like I did :)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


April always makes me feel different. It isn't because the 17th, but something that I don't expect before. I don't talk about suprise, more than that, I describe my freak's April. Yap, I guess I'll put April on my damn-hate-month's list, beside December. 1st April I got bad news, my grand mother diagnosed cancer by the doctor, and soon she'll face her first chemotherapy. I never know that I'll be so sad, because I didn't have a 'close' relationship with my grand mother. I was so sad because I saw my mother cried for her mom. "Be taff, Mom".

Then, a half to go to the middle of April, I've decide to out of my social network's acc. Maybe I didn't know why I try to cover my life for my self alone, but so far I feel okay, for how long, hmm we'll see. One thing surely, I've been learning about my self by being so selfish (ignore people), I cover anything about my life alone, ya this is the way I prepare my self to face anything.

In the midle of April, yesterdey, my friends asked me to go to place I (hope I can) forget on this end of April. Then, how easy this thing could be so confuses me. Dilemma. In the other side, I miss that city who ever be my favorite one, but I don't wanna make my self soluble for a thausand memories there. "My self: came on, Thar, you've been a half way to leave it. Be wise!" "I'll think it twice, dear my self".

Friday, March 25, 2011

I Realized

I don't know why these things came in to my mind lately. Maybe, if there's no correlation among these things, I'll prefer not to ask why, but in the fact, they look like a message or an unique signal. For one and two reasons, sometimes the things I ignored change to be one thing which is more touched. Well, it makes me more understand then. So, here they're: Utuh lyrics by Tangga, Harusnya Kau Pilih Aku lyrics by Terry, and Short Story titled Sikat Gigi by Dewi Lestari (Filosofi Kopi).

Saturday, March 05, 2011

It Isn't An Island, It's Bali.

I've used these phrase to describe other name of place. Well, sure I can explain why I put the different one since the day, simply: I owe them. For the memories, the special capture, the unpredict moment and many more. Than, it's just the way begin. What an amaze place I've been visited!

Bali was the second place which can talk to me by their natures. With all their unbelieving paradise, there're so many ways I've been touched. I hope this place gonna be the last place in my wow-place's list. And, if you asked me about Yogyakarta, calmly I'll say that they still had a space in my heart, but not as big as one or two years ago.

Anyway, Bali is celebrating Caka New Year right now. Om Swastiyastu :) It's always be my dream to go to Bali when everyone's praying with their silences. Interesting, you have to handle your lust as a human to have a holy pray along day. This is one of nice thing about Bali: reflection. They teach me to be calm and pray seriously without any word, just do it lovely.

Do you remember one of the key's clue in a Hollywood film which shoot in Bali? Yap, Eat, Pray, Love. The film didn't featured the pray's part in Bali, they have featured the love's part one. But, it looks so special when they tell how to find a true love by getting a balanced in life. This scene shows me how to handle any possibilities in life with my balanced, my reflection, my time to learn from yesterday. Bali gives me opportunity to step up by known down. Bali gives me more!

Friday, March 04, 2011

Better Late Than Never, But Better Never Than Ever!

"Andai aku bisa
Memutar kembali
Waktu yang t'lah berjalan
Tuk kembali bersama di dirimu slamanya

Bukan maksud aku membawa dirimu
Masuk terlalu jauh
Ke dalam kisah cinta
Yang tak mungkin terjadi

Dan aku tak punya hati

Untuk menyakiti dirimu
Dan aku tak punya hati tuk mencintai
Dirimu yang selalu mencintai diriku
Walau kau tahu diriku masih bersamanya"

I don't hate the memory, I do hate the regret. I'm so sorry :(

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Question Was The Answer

Most of us know the quote. But, have you ever think about the meaning of the quote? I had. It's begin with a film. Ya, glad to show you how the way they work in my life. The film title's Shutter Island. Dont interrup me, please, because I've not complete my story yet. Maybe, I'm not going to tell you a fact of the film. Just like I'm as usual, I'll tell you my side based on the film.

For one or two reasons, this film lets us tried to seek the answer. Who's Teddy? What's wrong with his life? or something like 'Why Teddy bla bla bla?'. But, could you find another conclusion behind the fact about the subject? Perhaps. Then, let me show you what I used to think. Firstly, just ignore Teddy, because subject wasn't the main mark of the film's message. Note the question and the answer. Why? Because life just about seek and found.

Sometimes, what we seek was what we find. We too busy to seek, we too long to think, we ignore around. We think about the key, we think about how to open the door without the key, we don't think another 'key'. Then, we lost in our own way to get the key. Now, see! Could you open a door without a key? I could, because I find another 'key' and sometimes the another 'key' was the question.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Javier Hernandez

Well, let's say something about football! Great, I don't know at all about football. But, wait, I'll try to make it sweet, just like accidentally in love, hmmm maybe with football exactly. For me, football wasn't the only way to say 'goaaallll...' spiritly. In my dictionary, the word comes out of my mouth spiritly when I make my success. But, don't push me to prove it now, because I've took my opportunity to say 'goaaallll...' spiritly for the first time. Just because him, Javier Hernandez :)

No one could treat you better than your favorite thing. Why? Because when your favorite thing become so bored or whatever called bad, you just can't ignore the favorite one. So do I. I love football by my way. Then, if Chicharito was my way to start to like football, its gonna be the sweetest way! I hope, one day, we'll meet in my favorite island, Bali. One day! I think I'm in love with you, boy.